Writer’s struggle

wpid-20150801_114157.jpgI recently bought a lovely Dutch magazine called Happinez. It was their first English issue and it was beautiful. Eagerly, I went to the last page of the magazine to find out when the next issue would be out. Nada. No information. So I went to their homepage. Nothing again. Rather frustrating, but hardly serious, since this is just leisurely reading and enjoying beautiful pictures. I can understand that it takes time to pull together all that’s needed for a new issue of  a new magazine. And as you might, or might not have noticed, I take my time with my blog posts, too. Evidently, I don’t have a million readers to consider…

I did make a conscious decision to go with the flow with this blog, said to myself that I wouldn’t push or punish myself if I didn’t write. After all, this is a highly personal endeavor, and while it is true that I have this dream of touching people with my writing, mainly I’m doing it for my own satisfaction – and if that’s true, what would be the point of pushing myself?

For quite a while now, I’ve felt uninspired and stuck when it comes to writing, often carrying the sense that I have nothing worthwhile to say. And even when I do, I don’t really feel that I have the authority to raise my voice. After all, what do I know?! My readers, that is my friends, do know at least as much about life as I do!

Matisse_Verve-Iv

Matisse’s figures dancing with verve

Still, of all the things I want to do (which is a lot), it is the inner writer that is screaming the loudest for attention. Every day, topics are chasing me, words are tugging at me, messages want to get out there… It’s like a paradoxical, hopeless version of hide and seek: I feel that the writing is chasing ME and yet I CAN’T FIND *IT*. It’s like there are all these different ideas dancing around me, singing, shouting, and even pulling at my clothes –  and I’m there, in the middle of it all, blindfolded, not able to see or touch them; they are just out of reach. And I’m standing there dully, doing nothing – not moving, not reaching out to them, not even taking off the blindfold, despite actually having free hands.

Well, at least I took out my pen and shared my experience with you.

wpid-20150801_114912.jpgAuthor Elizabeth Gilbert argues, that ultimately, when people want to write, but aren’t doing it, it usually comes down to FEAR. I’m glad she’s a person who’s looking at people with kind eyes. I will try to look at myself with kind eyes, too. And take the courage to find out what specifically it is I’m afraid of – hoping that ideas, words, and messages will be patient and stay around until I’ve found out.

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2 thoughts on “Writer’s struggle

  1. Oh Simone, this spoke to me! So much fear we all feel blocks us from many wonderful words and moments. I am glad you wrote this. I am sure it will speak to a lot of people.

    Love, Jean

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