Writer’s struggle

I recently bought a lovely Dutch magazine called Happinez. It was their first English issue and it was beautiful. Eagerly, I went to the last page of the magazine to find out when the next issue would be out. Nada. No information. So I went to their homepage. Nothing again. Rather frustrating, but hardly serious,…

Self Love

There is so much I want to do and create and facilitate. And protect and maintain, heal and develop. The all familiar GAP between who and where I am and who and where I want to be, is not getting smaller. However, it does feel like my capacity is. Getting smaller, that is. Paradoxically, and…

Spain can be anywhere

I booked a family vacation. Charter. For the first time ever, we are going on a beach vacation. One week of sunshine, 7 swimming pools, a long beach, and all meals included. It’s I myself who’s chosen the uncharacteristic destination, I’m usually dreaming of going to big cities and museums… And even though I must…

New shoes

I often feel like I’ve outgrown the current version of myself. Like I’m wearing shoes too small for me, and I’m getting chafed feet. There comes a lot of frustration and pain with that. On the other hand, when trying on a bigger size, it becomes clear, that I haven’t grown enough yet, that I…

FEELING versus BEING

This morning I woke up feeling like the shittiest person who’s ever lived. It doesn’t of course take a lot of reflection to realize that that simply can’t be true: I haven’t started wars, I haven’t tortured anyone, locked someone away, starved someone, nor have I ever consciously abused anyone, physically or psychologically. So, that…

Hibernating

I have started writing this post several times, only to stop after a few sentences,  feeling a strong sensation of “not yet”.   I am hibernating, you see. If possible, I would surely have spent the past two months or so hiding in a cave somewhere. Well, if I truly had had the opportunity to…

Happy new Year

Sometimes, I feel like a duck, calm on the surface, but paddling like hell underneath. It’s only when I notice that I’m actually not moving forward, that I realize that the paddling is not happening under the surface at all, but only going on like crazy in my head. Looking back on the (almost) past…