I have started writing this post several times, only to stop after a few sentences, feeling a strong sensation of “not yet”.
I am hibernating, you see. If possible, I would surely have spent the past two months or so hiding in a cave somewhere. Well, if I truly had had the opportunity to just rest and do nothing, I probably wouldn’t have needed two months… But who knows? Where I live, nature, just as I myself, is still very much in resting mode. Sure, in terms of light, there is now a difference again between day and night. Ah, and maybe I shouldn’t disregard the little snowdrops I noticed the other day. So there are signs, even if ever so small, that there will be spring again.
I suppose, in a way, this blog post can be seen as a sign of my energy starting to move more again, too. If not yet with vivid eagerness, at least tentatively.
Please don’t misunderstand me. I don’t really mind winter. Sometimes, I even like it.
I like it at those times, when I am allowing myself to follow my energies. That is, when I am allowing myself to be as introvert as I feel. When I let things that can rest, rest. When I can spend the evening on the couch, not even reading, but watching TV-series. When I can drink 10 cups of tea and 2 lattes a day. Eat what I feel like eating. Cuddle with our cats. And let my creativity hibernate, without panicking…
I know it will wake up. I truly do have trouble trusting the process (any process), sometimes – especially when I don’t see any obvious signs of progress. But in all my life, it hasn’t yet happened that spring didn’t arrive, so I am choosing to trust it will, and with it I hope, my energy and creativity, too.
When a friend asked me the other day how I am doing, I replied that I am okay. That I am experiencing a state of NEUTRAL FLOW. What it means is this: Things are pretty stable. No visits to hospital, there’s money to put food on the table, to buy a few books and other necessities, and I feel I have a steady circle of support. I spend many mornings at the yoga studio, the afternoons at the university, and the evenings at home with my family. Sometimes I meet with friends. Sometimes I get frustrated because I don’t feel like cleaning our home. It happens that I am sad about something and that I am happy about something.
Otherwise, nothing much is going on. Life isn’t colorful and sparkling at the moment. It is, however, RESTFUL. I can recommend it. Following your energy, that is.
Until soon, I hope!