I have started writing this post several times, only to stop after a few sentences, feeling a strong sensation of “not yet”.
I am hibernating, you see. If possible, I would surely have spent the past two months or so hiding in a cave somewhere. Well, if I truly had had the opportunity to just rest and do nothing, I probably wouldn’t have needed two months… But who knows? Where I live, nature, just as I myself, is still very much in resting mode. Sure, in terms of light, there is now a difference again between day and night. Ah, and maybe I shouldn’t disregard the little snowdrops I noticed the other day. So there are signs, even if ever so small, that there will be spring again.
I suppose, in a way, this blog post can be seen as a sign of my energy starting to move more again, too. If not yet with vivid eagerness, at least tentatively.
Please don’t misunderstand me. I don’t really mind winter. Sometimes, I even like it.
I like it at those times, when I am allowing myself to follow my energies. That is, when I am allowing myself to be as introvert as I feel. When I let things that can rest, rest. When I can spend the evening on the couch, not even reading, but watching TV-series. When I can drink 10 cups of tea and 2 lattes a day. Eat what I feel like eating. Cuddle with our cats. And let my creativity hibernate, without panicking…
I know it will wake up. I truly do have trouble trusting the process (any process), sometimes – especially when I don’t see any obvious signs of progress. But in all my life, it hasn’t yet happened that spring didn’t arrive, so I am choosing to trust it will, and with it I hope, my energy and creativity, too.
When a friend asked me the other day how I am doing, I replied that I am okay. That I am experiencing a state of NEUTRAL FLOW. What it means is this: Things are pretty stable. No visits to hospital, there’s money to put food on the table, to buy a few books and other necessities, and I feel I have a steady circle of support. I spend many mornings at the yoga studio, the afternoons at the university, and the evenings at home with my family. Sometimes I meet with friends. Sometimes I get frustrated because I don’t feel like cleaning our home. It happens that I am sad about something and that I am happy about something.
Otherwise, nothing much is going on. Life isn’t colorful and sparkling at the moment. It is, however, RESTFUL. I can recommend it. Following your energy, that is.
Until soon, I hope!
5 thoughts on “Hibernating”
Go on like you are doing my dear……
Greetings from my cave to yours….zzzzz……
Tycker om det du skriver.
Vilken fin bild med tekannan och katternas skuggor.
Önskar att det var enklare att bara titta över på en kopp te..
Ja, jag saknar våra promenader och testunder i massor! Hoppas att vi kan ses framöver, kanske till sommaren? (Jag antar att ens tidsperspektiv har förändrats något, när man tycker att sommaren är “framöver”… 🙂