I often feel like I’ve outgrown the current version of myself. Like I’m wearing shoes too small for me, and I’m getting chafed feet. There comes a lot of frustration and pain with that. On the other hand, when trying on a bigger size, it becomes clear, that I haven’t grown enough yet, that I can’t fill those shoes, even less walk in them. Well, if I’m totally honest, rather than my shoes being too small, I might feel more like a little girl unhappy with the shoes she’s wearing, not because they’re too small, or aren’t good, or nice shoes, but because she’s seen a different, much lovelier pair she wants to wear – only thing is, she needs to grow some more before they fit.
I so long to be a better version of myself. I want to grow into filling those beautiful shoes, being that LOVELY person, that some part of me believes I can be. Too bad, I can’t force growth. Believe me, I’ve tried. And the past few weeks, there have been inner critics who have been particularly loud about me not succeeding.
Now, while writing, a wiser part of me is reminding me of the best nutrient there is for growth: SELF COMPASSION.
Oh. Just writing that kind word down made my shoulders drop a few centimeters. That must be a good sign! I will wave good bye to this weeks inner critics and go to sleep with the intention of showering myself with self compassion next week. Trusting (huh, this is so difficult), that some day, I will fit into those metaphorical shoes.
Meanwhile, I wish us all big dose of compassion – for ourselves and for each other!