When meeting acquaintances on the street or in the grocery store, and they’re looking at me with kind, big, compassionate (sometimes pitying) eyes, asking how we’re doing, I tell them:

“There are no words which could even come close to describing our current life. Not the difficulties and struggles, fears and exhaustion, but neither the tenderness and compassion, wordless communication and ever flowing love.”

In April 2013 my husband suffered a stroke. We were a happy, healthy family, M. and I and our three boys – and suddenly, unexpectedly, we were looking death in the eye. 

I am not in a place yet, and maybe I’ll never be, where I’ll share specifics; not only for reasons of protecting everyone’s privacy and integrity, but also, because just thinking about what happened to my husband in an objective way, maybe even telling you in medical terms, still makes me feel nauseous. It is far too overwhelming.

On the other hand, describing the healing journey, the hopes for the future, the loveliness that we still have and are expanding together, the deepening of a deep connection, and the gratitude for still being together, isn’t easy either: It’s just too big.

Maybe not only distance in time, but probably also a deeper level of inner processing and healing is required, before I am able to meaningfully share how this difficult event is shaping our lives and our understanding of it. Maybe a tile here and there, in the mosaic of texts I’m building in this blog, will touch on the subject.

I will, however, keep on searching for words, to continuously communicate essences of things I find important. I will try to capture glimpses of the big stuff, too, after all it’s in Love, Connection, Healing, Growth, and Gratitude where we find the beauty of Life.