It is true, these past weeks my body has felt tired and heavy and instead of walking just normally, it feels like I have been dragging it along, against its will. And it definitely doesn’t feel like I have neurons firing in my brain, but rather like there’s molasses trying to make its way round in there.
Who would have suspected that monkeys would find that kind of environment inviting? Yet, their number has been steadily increasing the past week. Primarily, there are the to-do-list-monkeys, jumping around like crazy, not leaving me alone for a second: “Do this, do that, don’t forget this, have you done that already?” There’s the banker-monkey, he’s got a suit on and is wagging his finger at me, not thinking I’m responsible enough with our money, and lecturing me that we definitely don’t have enough of it, anyway. (Really? Get some perspective!). There’s the wise-mama-monkey telling me to be a better parent. There are the house-keeper-monkeys counting dust bunnies and measuring the growing piles of dirty laundry. There are more, too, but their messages are all the same: You are not being and doing good enough.
Me and my monkeys, we are running around chasing each other in what has become a viscious circle. I feel haunted by their messages, forgetting that they are just monkeys, I struggle, which encourageous them in their game, making me even more tired, making the environment even more invitning for them.
I suppose, instead of chasing them, I could focus on making my brain into an unpleasant habitat. Monkeys are bored by cleared space. Meditation, walks, writing, hugging, and sleeping are space creating activities.
I just find it so incredibly hard to get to those things, with all that noise and activity going on. How do you tame your monkeys? Or even better, how do you show them the way out?