I’m so tired, I’m falling asleep when reading. Just as my doll.
It is true, these past weeks my body has felt tired and heavy and instead of walking just normally, it feels like I have been dragging it along, against its will. And it definitely doesn’t feel like I have neurons firing in my brain, but rather like there’s molasses trying to make its way round in there.
Who would have suspected that monkeys would find that kind of environment inviting? Yet, their number has been steadily increasing the past week. Primarily, there are the to-do-list-monkeys, jumping around like crazy, not leaving me alone for a second: “Do this, do that, don’t forget this, have you done that already?” There’s the banker-monkey, he’s got a suit on and is wagging his finger at me, not thinking I’m responsible enough with our money, and lecturing me that we definitely don’t have enough of it, anyway. (Really? Get some perspective!). There’s the wise-mama-monkey telling me to be a better parent. There are the house-keeper-monkeys counting dust bunnies and measuring the growing piles of dirty laundry. There are more, too, but their messages are all the same: You are not being and doing good enough.
Me and my monkeys, we are running around chasing each other in what has become a viscious circle. I feel haunted by their messages, forgetting that they are just monkeys, I struggle, which encourageous them in their game, making me even more tired, making the environment even more invitning for them.
I suppose, instead of chasing them, I could focus on making my brain into an unpleasant habitat. Monkeys are bored by cleared space. Meditation, walks, writing, hugging, and sleeping are space creating activities.
I just find it so incredibly hard to get to those things, with all that noise and activity going on. How do you tame your monkeys? Or even better, how do you show them the way out?
Eclectic Tree 
Yes my monkey’s are chattering too. Maybe we could get them a ticket to the peanut factory someplace very far away. Monkey’s love peanuts, or is it bananas? Sometimes I feel bananas when my monkey’s chatter too much. They keep telling me, “not enough, not enough” and I have to look around and see that right now there is enough. Maybe we could get a baseball bat to tap on those monkey’s. I love your post Simone. Your cute little sock monkey is adorable ♥♥♥
Jean
Yes, Jean, let us find a yummier place for them – I’d really like to use the space for other, not so upsetting things!
Känner igen mig i det du skriver! Blir så imponerad av dig att du skriver och av hur du skriver. Rakt in i hjärtat. Roligt, känslosamt och tankeväckande. Läser allt du skriver här. Kramar, Lovisa
Jag blir så varm om hjärtat! Önskar att vi bodde närmare varandra, jag slutar aldrig sakna våra testunder och promenader med givande samtal och fantastiska skratt!
I think many of us has this monkeys shattering in our heads! Great way to make the “you must do” thoughts to something that is possible to get rid off to think about them as a monkey! Thanks for that thought! Mine often talk about doing more things, better things, and not waste a lot of time doing things that do not count as useful ….
I think I’m starting to learn (with help of my beloved husband) to not listen all the time and I care less now about “what others will think,” and it seems to have quieted some of them!
Plötsligt funderade jag på varför jag skriver på engelska. På något konstigt vis känns det som att det känns mest naturligt när du skriver på engelska och det blir ju lite träning av engelskan dessutom!! 🙂
I had to work a lot on chasing away the “MORE – BETTER – FASTER” monkeys, but they tend to return, so now I am trying to train them to compliment me and have compassion with me instead… Some of them are very stubborn though!
Still, I am happy to have realized that I am not my monkeys!
Thanks for engaging in the topic, Lotta!
This is wonderful! One thing for certain, I don’t bore my monkeys! I, too, wish I could politely show them the way out. Thank you for helping me realize…I Am Not my monkeys!