Moments of anxiety

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Brave and vulnerable in difficult times. Me portrayed by my mom, artist Anita Löhndorf

Lean in to the difficult emotion. Don’t try to suppress it, or to wave it off. Stay with it. Where do you feel it in your body? I want to run and hide. Okay. Take a deep breath. Now, what do you feel in your body? There’s a big lump in my throat. Makes me want to throw up. My chest feels so compressed, it almost hurts. In my stomach, anxiety feels free to live out, today in the form of ghosts performing some kind of fear provoking shadow dance.

I feel panicky. I want to scream. I want to run and hide. I’m struggling. So much LOVE in and around me, so much support, and yet I feel like no one understands. I feel alone. Not on an existential level. Not in my heart. How could I, with the amazing family and friends that I have?!

Yet, here and now, with problems to solve, information to seek, tasks to perform – most of them of the anxiety evoking sort, I feel pinned down and alone. I want to sob, and I do, but I’m afraid it’s scaring the people around me. Afraid, that it’s perceived of as me not being able to take care of my emotions. While for me, the opposite is true: Let me cry. Let me process my emotions in whatever way I need to, as long as I’m not harming anyone, it helps me get through them faster.

Time to take a look at my calm map (see https://eclectictree.wordpress.com/2014/07/02/seeking-peacefulness/). Time to ground myself. To breathe. To feel for my center. Find my faith. WRITE about it. Oh, I just did that. Vulnerably and authentically. Good.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

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10 thoughts on “Moments of anxiety

  1. Oh Simone, I love how vulnerable you are. I love how expressive your words are. You inspire me and I’m writing of my own pain. Yes there is light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve been through those tunnels many times and have come out.

    Love, Jean

  2. Älskade Simone. Du ska veta att jag finns här för dig!
    Och jag är inte rädd för tårar.
    Kom på att jag ju såklart kan hjälpa dig med nåt praktiskt (samtal m myndighet/papper eller annat). Sitter på kontor stor del av dagen och kan hitta utrymme för sånt om det kan vara till nån hjälp..
    Stor kram, Lovisa

  3. Luta dig mot mig imorgon Simone och jag mot dig.Tillsammans ska vi se ljuset i tunneln och det kommer vi göra,ibland är det så svårt…
    Jag tänker på dig !

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