Lean in to the difficult emotion. Don’t try to suppress it, or to wave it off. Stay with it. Where do you feel it in your body? I want to run and hide. Okay. Take a deep breath. Now, what do you feel in your body? There’s a big lump in my throat. Makes me want to throw up. My chest feels so compressed, it almost hurts. In my stomach, anxiety feels free to live out, today in the form of ghosts performing some kind of fear provoking shadow dance.
I feel panicky. I want to scream. I want to run and hide. I’m struggling. So much LOVE in and around me, so much support, and yet I feel like no one understands. I feel alone. Not on an existential level. Not in my heart. How could I, with the amazing family and friends that I have?!
Yet, here and now, with problems to solve, information to seek, tasks to perform – most of them of the anxiety evoking sort, I feel pinned down and alone. I want to sob, and I do, but I’m afraid it’s scaring the people around me. Afraid, that it’s perceived of as me not being able to take care of my emotions. While for me, the opposite is true: Let me cry. Let me process my emotions in whatever way I need to, as long as I’m not harming anyone, it helps me get through them faster.
Time to take a look at my calm map (see https://eclectictree.wordpress.com/2014/07/02/seeking-peacefulness/). Time to ground myself. To breathe. To feel for my center. Find my faith. WRITE about it. Oh, I just did that. Vulnerably and authentically. Good.
There is light at the end of the tunnel.