From Brené Browns new book Rising Strong:
We’ve all fallen, and we have the skinned knees and bruised hearts to prove it. But scars are easier to talk about than they are to show, with all the remembered feelings laid bare. And rarely do we see wounds that are in the process of healing. (My emphasis / Simone) I’m not sure if it’s because we feel too much shame to let anyone see a process as intimate as overcoming hurt, or if it’s because even when we muster the courage to share our still-incomplete healing, people reflexively look away. We much prefer stories about falling and rising to be inspirational and sanitized.
As I read this paragraph in Brené Browns new book, it felt as if I was handed a permission slip: Permission to keep writing about my inner hurting mess. It is true, more than two years have passed since my husband had his stroke, and part of my inner mess is my inner critic beating me up for not yet having fully adjusted. For not yet having risen strong through the grief process. My gratitude for still having him by my side is immeasurable. To say it’s to the sun and back again, is far from enough. Still, I’m also coming to a place where I can be more honest about how much I miss what we had. About missing our conversations. Missing the guidance he provided for our boys. I want to honor what we have – which in many ways is amazing. And I need to give myself permission to grieve what we have lost.
The final paragraph in my recent blog post about Writer’s struggle, is about acknowledging that FEAR might get in the way of writing. As I read the part above in Rising Strong, I realized that yes, I am afraid that people, even friends, will reflexively look away when they grasp how much I am still struggling. Another fear is that someone might, accidentally or not, rub salt into my still open wound. Of course, having people feel like they need to walk on eggshells when they’re around me, would probably feel just as awful.
And yet, for those willing to meet me in those tender places, I will continue to vulnerably share my process. Just as it is my wish and hope to have the honor to meet others in their vulnerable processes. I fully believe that rising strong is something we do together.
Further on, Brené Brown continues: (…) To pretend that we can get to helping, generous, and brave without navigating through tough emotions like desperation, shame, and panic is a profoundly dangerous and misguided assumption. (…) …we’d be better off learning how to recognize the beauty in truth and tenacity.
It is my profound wish to spend more time feeling helpful, generous, and brave, and while I am getting there, I am practicing to see the beauty in truth and tenacity.
Thank you for reading. Warmest wishes to you all,